Missing Mother Earth Resurfaces at U.N. After Two Years


UNITED NATIONS (AMP) — Australia’s Serena Serghetti, the Vatican’s top linguist and renown environmental activist, has resurfaced in New York City after a two years’ absence from the world scene to lobby U.S. State Department and United Nations officials for an Alaska-sized marine sanctuary in Antarctica.

The 25-year-old nun’s dream to protect the Ross Sea, one of the most pristine in the world, sank last week in Australia when the 24 nations and European Union that regulate fishing in the Antarctic were unable to come to any agreement.

That failure prompted “Mother Earth,” as she has been dubbed by the media, to return to public life after two years of living “off the grid.” Rampant rumors about her disappearance have included everything from her discovery of the legendary, apocalyptic “Chiron Confession” in an ancient underground city beneath Cappadocia, Turkey, to a torrid love affair with American archaeologist Conrad Yeats—even the birth of a child.

During her dramatic appearance at the United Nations this week, Dr. Serghetti said she would not “dignify salacious speculations and innuendo” about her whereabouts the past two years, and instead put the focus on where she said it belonged: Antarctica.

“The Ross Sea is the last, best place on Earth for scientists to monitor climate change away from the influence of man,” Serghetti told reporters. “Every other ocean has already been damaged by humanity. We owe it to future generations to protect Antarctica and the waters around it.”
A block of nations including Russia, the Ukraine and China have balked at the Serghetti Sanctuary Proposal, fearing it would have too much impact on their annual haul of toothfish, which are marketed as Chilean sea bass.

But Serghetti has the strong backing of the United States—and, some would say, God.

“Doctor Serghetti’s passion and expertise is unmatched, and we are doing everything we can to back her vision,” said Evan Bloom, director of the U.S. State Department’s Office of Ocean and Polar Affairs. “Although the U.S. does not have fishing interests in the Ross Sea, the fish caught there often end up in high-end American restaurants.”

Antarctic fishing is regulated by the Commission for the Conservation of Antarctic Marine Living Resources, and the 25-nation group will meet again next July to further consider Serghetti’s idea.
Meanwhile, Serghetti said she will be helping with Hurricane Sandy relief efforts in New York before returning to the undisclosed site of her latest research.

Before becoming known for her extreme environmentalism, Serghetti first gained worldwide attention at age 17 after she sold a “universal translator” algorithm to Google for several billion dollars. Sister Serghetti, an orphan raised by the Catholic Church, allegedly developed the top-secret algorithm after living with the Aymara Indians in the Andes in her teens.